7. Abstain a bit. Abstinence as a sex tip? Believe it or not, it’s a surefire way to improve sex and make your next encounter with your lover even more exciting. “Practice abstinence for a couple of days, a weekend, or a week,” says Mandel. “Abstinence does make the heart grow fonder and makes you lust after forbidden fruit.”

 

8. Plan for sex. It may not sound that romantic, but Dr. Simmons says it’s a great way to improve your sex life and satisfy women. Construct a plan for having sex, he suggests: “Setting aside time or arranging opportunities for sex is very important, especially for busy couples or those with children. Don’t let the frequency of sex dwindle due to fatigue or the inability to find the ‘right time.’”

9. Make use of technology. Want to keep her in the mood for sex later that night while you’re stuck at the office? Use your cell phone or e-mail. “Send her sexy messages throughout the day,” advises Mandel.

10. Compliment her body. Want a foolproof way to drive her wild and ensure better sex? “Find a particular feature, and tell her that she is the best in this class,” says Mandel.

11. Focus on relaxation. Men like to get excited for better sex, but women are more likely to get in the mood through relaxation. “Wash her hair in the shower or massage her scalp to relax her,” says Debbie Mandel, a stress management expert and author of Addicted to Stress. “A woman needs to be relaxed before she is ready to receive.”

12. Foreplay. Regardless of how you get revved up for better sex, Matthew N. Simmons, MD, PhD, of the Glickman Urological and Kidney Institute in Cleveland, suggests not skimping on the foreplay — no matter how long you have been together as a couple. “Foreplay contributes greatly to stronger orgasms and improved sex,” he says. “Gearing up your autonomic nervous system will increase sensitivity, excitement, and strength of orgasm. Your patience and attentiveness will pay dividends.”

13. Think like a woman. Natalie Bencivenga, co-founder, editor, and writer of twodaymag.com, advises thinking like a woman. “To think like a woman in bed, you don’t have to be one,” she says. “Give attention to some of her most neglected areas, like her neck, her feet, her inner thighs. Tease her mercilessly. Make her want it. You will be surprised what a build-up will bring!”

14. Let her take the lead. Men so often take the lead in bed. Sometimes, the key to better sex is letting her be in charge. “Don’t be afraid to let your mate lead,” says Joyce Morley, EdD, a licensed counselor in Decatur, Ga. “Allow your mate to initiate sexual pleasure on occasions, as well as taking the top position.”

15. Don’t overlook lubricant. According to Bencivenga, there’s no shame in using lubricant to satisfy women. “Many guys think that since women get wet, if we aren’t wet, then we aren’t into it,” she says. “That’s not true. Sometimes, whether it’s stress, certain times of the month, or fatigue, women can have a hard time getting physically aroused even when they are mentally in the game. Lubricant in the bedside drawer is your new best friend.”

16. Switch things up. If you’re experiencing a case of the “same-old, same-old,” working on adding a little variety is the key to better sex, says Simmons. “Spice things up by planning and discussing variations on your usual sexual habits,” he explains. “Lingerie, toys, new positions, and other creative additions can enhance intimacy and orgasm.”

17. Change the location. Another way to add variety and improve sex life, suggests Mandel, is to try someplace new. “Do it in different places to experience a different energy,” she says. “Take it outdoors if you are overwhelmed with technology and want to get back your natural rhythm.”

18. Make love instead. Does it feel lately like it’s just sex? “Try making love,” advises Dr. Morley. “You make love with that special someone, but you have sex with anybody.

19. Use touch even without sex. Even when you’re not having sex, you can still improve your sex life by using touch in an intimate, but not sexual, way. “Touching is important, but doesn’t always mean sex,” says Morley. “It is important to be intimate with your mate by touching her with love and affection on a daily basis. Kiss daily, and don’t be afraid to allow her to reciprocate.”

20. Practice self-care. “Take good care of your penis,” says Dr. Simmons. “Penile injury is usually sustained when your partner is on top or when the penis buckles from missed penetration. If things are getting out of hand, ask your partner to ease up. If you suspect a penile fracture due to a perceived ‘pop’ followed by bruising, see a urologist immediately.”